#76 Breaking Stigma of Men's Emotions and How to Build Supportive Habits - with Chris Moyer

Synopsis:

Men and emotions, a topic that often goes unspoken. This conversation offers insights and practical advice for men struggling to navigate their feelings—especially against the backdrop of expat life and being away from family for work. We discuss loneliness, anger, anxiety, guilt. Whether you’re a man living abroad, a partner supporting one, or simply interested in emotional wellness across cultures, this episode brings actionable tips, and hopeful encouragement for the journey. Chris Moyer is a leader in Third Culture Kid care. He brings years of experience in coaching, counseling, and supporting expatriates. He currently lives with his family in France. 

“I think your average man may not necessarily feel the need for a discussion like this, but the reality is that men and women are emotional beings and part of our overall health is emotional wellness. And so finding a way to bridge that gap is really important and something that I'm quite passionate about.”

KEY THEMES:

1. Men and Emotional Expression

Rhoda and Chris explore the unique challenges men face around acknowledging, understanding, and expressing emotions—particularly in the context of expat and globally mobile lifestyles. Chris highlights how men often lack “permission” to be emotional, with social norms limiting emotional discourse mainly to anger. , “Many of us have learned one way or another that as men, emotions are typically not okay. They’re a sign of weakness.

2. The Importance of Emotional Health

Emotional health is tied to overall wellbeing and healthy relationships. The conversation compares emotional self-care to physical health maintenance—a proactive, ongoing practice rather than only a reactive one.

3. Navigating Difficult Feelings Abroad

Living abroad, especially for men, can intensify feelings such as loneliness, guilt, anxiety, and resentment. Chris shares his personal experience with loneliness when his family travels, and they discuss how these emotions are often magnified by distance or the transient nature of expat life.

4. Overcoming Stigma and Building Support

Chris speaks on the stigma men face seeking support (from friends or professionals) for emotions like anxiety or guilt. Men often struggle to find spaces or relationships that allow honest emotional conversation, as “fixing” is the default response from others.

5. Family & Cultural Impact

The role of upbringing, culture, and family dynamics is discussed, including how societal expectations shape the emotional lives of men and perpetuate certain patterns (or help break them in the case of intentional parenting).

6. Actionable Tips & Resources

Permission & Awareness: The first step for men is granting themselves permission to feel and name emotions.

Relationships & Mentors: 

• Cultivating close, trusted friendships and finding mentors can create spaces for vulnerability. 
• Intentionally build a core support group, especially as a transient expat. This can sometimes take years. 
• Normalise emotional conversations among men, and don’t be afraid to seek or offer presence rather than solutions.

“it's more about a way of life. To me it's about checking in with myself regularly. And so part of that is I've got a mentor who I meet with on a regular basis, somebody who's walked a very similar way of life, who's a dear friend, but also a mentor who just listens and encourages”

Physical Activity: Movement and exercise are powerful tools for managing emotional stress and processing feelings.

“Making sure that we're taking care of our bodies is critical, it doesn't solve all of our emotional stuff, but it does get out a lot of some of the angst that we can be feeling.” 

Proactive Self-Care: 

• Routinely checking in with yourself and your support network is key—don’t wait until emotional “warning lights” flash.
• Proactively prepare emotionally before relocating or traveling for extended periods.

“how are you building into your emotional health in a proactive way? If you're doing that, I think you're going to have what you need around you to help you when the crisis comes. Because crises come, that's just part of life”

• Professional Help: Sometimes professional support is essential, and there’s no shame in seeking it.

“Part of the human journey is learning how to relate to myself, and then how I relate to others, whether it’s my emotions or theirs.”

Resources mentioned in this episode: 

• Top Tip Sheet: How To Manage Intense Emotions
• Book The Winding Road to Portugal: 20 Men from 11 Countries Share Their Stories: Ross, Louise: 9781905597994: Amazon.com: Books
• Holding the Fort Podcast Episodes on Emotions
• Episode #49:   Tapping and managing emotions
• Episode #43:   Related emotional wellness topics

Contact Chris Moyer on his LinkedIn Page https://www.linkedin.com/in/chris-j-moyer/

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Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

• How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
• Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.