#74 Work, Love, Distance: Real Strategies For Couples Living Apart - with Pascale

Synopsis:

Today my guest is Pascale. She and her husband are living in different countries and working in different countries and she's going to share a little bit what it's been like for her, what they've put in place and just how it works for them to encourage listeners, anyone who's living and working in different countries. 

We always decide together which assignment is best for the family. We don't have any children so it's easier but we need to mind our dual careers. 00:26:17 - 00:26:30

Highlights from today’s episode: 

1. **Mutuality Over Martyrdom**  

Pascale and her husband operate as a “winning team.” Each time one scales back for the other, it’s for the health of the bigger “us,” not as an IOU to lord over each other later. “Dual career needs dual involvement,” she says. “You can't do things on your own…it needs to be a winning team.”

2. **Your Network Is Your Lifeline**  

In each new country, Pascale sought out expat associations, not just for information about “where to shop” but, crucially, to ease the transition. Locally embedded friends and colleagues who “lift you up” are an emotional and practical anchor, especially when time zones and travel get in the way.

3. **Relentless Communication - Even on Call**  

With modern technology, they don’t let days go by without checking in—even if it’s just a quick chat to share their day. The only time they miss If she’s on call” Pascale says.

4. **Redefining Milestones and Celebrations**  

When you inevitably miss a birthday or family gathering, you don’t wallow: you reschedule, adapt, and invent new rituals. “Sometimes you can move things around—so you have to adapt.”

5. **Reframing Criticism**  

When faced with skepticism (“Why be together at all?”), Pascale notes that having supportive friends—often fellow expats who “know the problematics”—makes a world of difference. Find your tribe.

Not Just Survival, But Fulfillment 

Pascale isn’t sugarcoating reality: sometimes, compromise means slower career progression. Sometimes, you truly do miss out. But, critically, solidarity, mutual support, the skill of adaptability and a willingness to see the adventure in the arrangement replaces doom with possibility.

“Look at the positive things first,” Pascale urges. “Work as a winning team within your couple and your family…and get a good network of support.”

This isn’t about pretending the split-location lifestyle is easy—or right for everyone. But for some the arrangement can flip the script: transforming anticipated loss into new connections, growth, and even fulfillment. 

Sometimes, having your heart (and, yes, your luggage) in two places really can work.

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Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

• How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
• Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad